I quit smoking on the 3rd of January then found a pack of smokes in the freezer and smoked them.  I have now been free from cigarettes for 23 days.  It seems like 5 minutes.  I want a cigarette but I DON’T SMOKE!  Repeat this over and over, that’s my mantra.  I won’t pretend this has been easy.  I want to smoke.  I want to go into town and get a pack.    A few things help me.  I need to drive to get cigarettes and it’s been raining for days so it’s pretty easy not to drive if I don’t have to.  Another thing is that cigarettes are really expensive!  $8.50/pack for Camel, more for American Spirit which is my preferred brand.  WAS my preferred brand.  It is just too expensive for me to smoke.  I honestly don’t care about the health effects.  I will die from lung cancer if I don’t get killed in an accident or suicide.  My Mom died from lung cancer more than 25 years after quitting, her sister my aunt died from lung cancer after decades of not smoking.  I will likely die of lung cancer.  That’s fine but I am not going to go broke on the way.

The state of California is going to increase the cigarette tax by $2/pack.  I say make it $5/pack.  I think you can’t make them too expensive.  Cigarettes are horrible.  They kill, smell bad and I love smoking them.  I want one right now.  But I DON’T SMOKE!!!  They burn holes is clothing and furniture.  Cigarette smoke is bad for pets.  But I want a cigarette.  I quit.  No cigarettes for me.

I have not spent a dime on smokes in 2016 and for that I feel good.  I don’t want to bum smokes and it’s a good thing I have no friends in this town.  The only temptation involves getting in my car and driving into town just for what, cigarettes.  Stupid cigarettes.  Why would I risk my life in a car crash to get cigarettes?  I don’t want to get in a car crash.  I don’t want to smoke.  So I crave.

The cravings last about 5 minutes but seem a lot longer.  My mind just goes into cigarette mode and says “get cigarettes”, “smoke”, “you deserve a smoke”….  all crap.  My addicted brain is trying to con me into smoking, giving me permission to buy “just one pack”.  I have a war going on in my brain with the nicotine addict and the quitter of nicotine.  I am the quitter and I say FUCK YOU, addict.  I quit.  I don’t smoke.  Yes I want a cigarette and writing about it doesn’t help.  I QUIT.  I don’t smoke anymore.

If cigarettes were free, then I would smoke.